I know i fucked up in the past. Shit I did was unbelievably fucked up and if I could go back I’d change everything so everyone I fucked with wouldn’t have prayed for karma to attack my ass later on. I know every single person that I messed with and I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done it. But ay I was like freaking 13-15. Wtf did I know back then besides to make myself feel good. All kids that age are fucking conceited dicks, and they don’t care. Especially them guys. Yea yea, I know im probably just saying this cus karma has gotten to me and probably won’t leave me for a long ass time. Just wanted to say it cus idk how to locate each of you and just say it. If I ever see you guys in person I’ll stop and give my deepest apology. I’m sorry.
I hate that feeling. The feeling of that you have nobody and you have nothing to live for anymore. The one person that used to make you feel something nobody else can make you feel is gone and you’re alone. This is what happened to the guy who thought his world had ended, and still continues to think that today.
He hated going to the same places everyday, in the same city, at the same school, seeing same old faces. Especially the one girl who he sees with her new bf everyday doing the same things they used to share. A kiss, a hug, the soft hand she always had, his pulse and numb legs everytime he got close to her, her warmth that he felt whenever they came in contact. All of that was gone. During the process, there was no such thing as heal except pain. He often spent times gambling his money away and played coinslots. Bars and cigarettes. After years, he completely loses every emotion he has in his body and doesnt care about anything else. Nothing stopped the guy from moving on except himself. He didn’t know that there were friends of his who always supported him and kept him safe. That one person who is gone is someone who is just as worthless as dirt. He still doesn’t stop thinking about her because thats how much he put into her. Used someone here and there, but nothing recovered. Maybe a little bit for a very short time. After that he just went back to the same way he always was. Back in the room, sitting there and sadly, just thinking bout the girl -_-“.
Even now, from time to time, memories flicker up and he doesnt know what to do, hes back at square one. Except this time he has nobody. He thought he had finally found his place, but instead it was just another flashback of what happened to him. He doesn’t know what to do besides stand around and think. Waste time, and do nothing. Which are his hobbies about now. The person who he thought could help and also help himself was just…not real. Except the fact that he sees a reflection and cant do anything about it because he knew what it was like. Nothing but feel sorry and continue living. He’s going to keep living because he has no other hardship in life other than the past experiences with that one girl. It took him longer than two years to find out, even though he thinks about her, that there’s nothing more important than the body you can move, breathe, eat, sleep, dream, cry and smile in. Especially with other people, and one day when hes lucky, he’ll find another reason to put his heart forth again.
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Shit so I haven’t had one in a while right. I just remember the last one was like MADDD long ago, like a few days after my influenza virus was gone lol, freaking nigga joy and my car >:[…and my monkey…wait it was either a monkey or a puppy lol. anyway whatever, i dreamt about this nigga again -___-“. lol why u gotta stay at my crib for two hours and then bounce maaan, we didnt even see GEORGE LOPEZ U TA LOCO >:[.
Anyway this dream I havent had in a while actually. ay joy, u remember when we used to counterstrike right? LOL. fucking sure was great times. anyway, the interface was completely the same, except the faces matched ours rofls. so of course the awp was my shit, and idk why u wanted to throw nades…and u had like OD amount rofls. i was kinda scared u might fall or something and set them all off damn. so i stayed close to u just in case u do trip aha. anyway we were kicking ass like usual, ur immediate kills with nades and my far away shots with awp. yea about the map, we were playing in freaking utopia pkwy and union LOL, like right where st johns and all them stores are at. i was awping from the roof of citibank/coldstone aha and u were throwing nades are ppl who were trying to find their way to us lol. Too bad I couldn’t like see our scores LOL.
Anyway…freaking idk why, u had to freaking piss, so i was like ok np i got ur back. YOU dont even go to a freaking corner or a hiding spot, u do it right in the open i was like yao wtf go over there, but u were already like pissing sigh -.-“. then i see this nigga with an awp across the building, it was like where that deli is at with the asians lol. so i pushed u while u were pissing LOL, my bad. first instinct reaction, then i heard BOOM, the awp shot then i woke up. SCREWWWWWWWWWWWW YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, i was on a streak D:
ahahaha jk, it was great that u lived tho, freaking pick up that awp and shoot that nigga LOL. u prob dont remember but i used to say awp + nades were the absolut dominating combo aha. Freaking…prime and scylent lol. ahhhhhhhh i remember paper LOL. good times, now youre into tf2 rofls. ill play in the summer xD.
EDIT: holy shit man, this post was 666 LOL. SCREWWWWWWW YOUUU MADE ME DIEEEEEEE NOW I KNOW THE SHIT WAS REAL AHAHAHAHA.